This was not the post I intended to share today. Today’s post was supposed to be joyful and bubbly, full of excitement and expectation. I was going to share the news I’ve been waiting a month to tell you and then sit back and watch giddily as congratulations and advice poured in. Instead my heart is broken and I can barely see through tear filled eyes as I try to write. Yesterday, my grandfather passed away.
My grandparents were missionaries in Ivory Coast, Africa for 50 years. They even helped to create the written language for the Senufo people. Grandpa was one of those people who loved and was loved by everybody he met, but especially by West Africans.
He accomplished many great things in his lifetime, but to me, the most important, he was a wonderful grandfather. We grew extremely close when I was 19 and spent several months living with my grandparents to help them pack their belongings, and then driving them across the country. We read together, I listened to stories of his time in Africa, and laughed silently as he leaned across my seat to make sure I was going at least 10 miles below the speed limit.
When Eric and I started dating, Grandpa instantly bonded with him and took him in as his grandson. After we got married (Grandpa wore a monk robe to our Renaissance wedding!), we would regularly make the hour’s drive down to visit and spend as much time as possible with him and Grandma. Each time, Grandpa would ask the inevitable question, “When are you two going to have a baby?”
This Friday, we were going to go down and tell him and Grandma in person that the time had finally come.
But we were too late.
I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he’s in heaven now, and I know that he now knows we’re pregnant. But it hurts that I didn’t get to share the news and see his face light up.
It’s been fun talking to Grandma about nausea and food cravings and sore backs, and I know it’s been a bright spot in the past couple of days for her. But it feels so hard to celebrate when we hurt so much.
I just wanted to share with you, because I’ve been so dang sick for the past month that I haven’t cooked anything and just looking at food photos to try and do a post often sends me running for the bathroom. We truly are thrilled to be parents, and I’ll have lots of posts soon looking for nausea tips and sharing videos and photos. But for right now I’m just mourning.
I have some scheduled posts coming up and am bringing back some favorites from the archives. Hopefully in the next couple weeks I’ll be able to start creating recipes again. I love and appreciate all of you and thank you so much for your prayers and warm thoughts in this hard time.
Here’s a happy thought to leave you with: